I’ve got to be honest here. I’m a sappy kind of girl. Okay so sappy may not be the right word, but emotional probably is. I have always been quite emotional. It’s very hard for me to not cry at a wedding, or when hearing a really sweet poem or song, or if I see kids perform pretty much anything at all I cry. And change or big moments in my life, well forget it. Basically, I’m a hot mess.
So here I sit on my couch thinking about tomorrow. Tomorrow’s the day I leave the comfort of my “safe” job – the job that I’ve called home for four years. That in itself is really scary and makes me perhaps slightly more nauseous then it does emotional. What really gets me is if I look back and think of who I was when I walked through those doors in August of 2011.
I was married and had been struggling with trying to start a family. I had experienced 2 miscarriages and wasn’t sure what would happen next. I was excited for this beginning. It felt right, it felt good, and yes like most new things it felt just a tad bit scary. I started mid-week if I remember correctly, and that Sunday I was going to take a pregnancy test because I was going to go back to the doctor at the beginning of my cycle. So I wanted to go back as soon as possible, because if I am anything else as much as I am emotional it’s impatient.
I’d been at my job for one half of a week. I took the test. It was the morning after Hurricane Irene had hit the Northeast. My sister and best friend had both delivered babies within the past 2 days. Babies that had been conceived after my last miscarriage. Babies who were as adorable then as they are now. I made Chris sleep in the basement with me. The winds were scary and I was afraid of flooding so I thought we’d feel it first if it started in the basement and would be safe from flying debris. Okay fine so I’m emotional, impatient, and a tad neurotic.
It was positive. The test. Positive.
Chris asked if we could talk about it later. Not his kindest moment. I was terrified. Excited but terrified.
4 years later I sit on my couch thinking how the hell am I the same girl that walked through those doors back then. I’m now the mom of 2 boys. I’m more confident, more sure, more in love with life then I have ever been. I’ve grown as a mom and as a person in such incredible ways in my time there and for that I will forever be grateful. The opportunities that my job has afforded me, the friendships that I’ve gained, and the person that I’ve become since working there are all so much a part of me and such tremendous gifts. Because of that I cannot help but feel a tad bit nostalgic.
Don’t get me wrong I’m really freaking excited. I will miss the job, I will miss the children, I will miss my friends, my coworkers, and I will miss the security- oh yes, I will really miss that. I just know that it’s time for what’s next. I don’t know that I could imagine it if I tried and to be honest I don’t know that I want to quite yet. I know that 4 years ago I wouldn’t have imagined this moment and I must say that made it just a tad bit sweeter.